Dating and Engagement: How Long is “Right” And When Should You Ignore Conventional Wisdom?
I’m going to say it up front: I don’t pretend to know the answer to the above question. But as February comes to a close, I’m primarily just curious to know if there even is a right answer. The reason why? One of my besties just got engaged! To someone who she had not been dating for very long (i.e. weeks, not months- and yes, she has a serious rock, it is for real). My attitude? We’re all quite grown up and capable of making decisions, and she will always have my love and support. Besides, if she is happy, who is anyone else to judge? Frankly, if we all accepted conventional wisdom, most of us would be too frightened to ever even get married.
Just think of all the rule breaking that goes on these days. I know happily married people who had kids before they were married. Or people whose parents thought a 6 month engagement was too short and thus, a bad idea. I know people who married someone who has been divorced. And I know people who’ve been harshly criticized for meeting their spouse online. Plenty of people poo-poo on these matches, and yet these are very happy couples, as far as I can tell. And some of the plain vanilla, so called “perfect” marriages I’ve seen have completely fallen apart. Is it all a crapshoot? Does it come down to hard work?
What do you think? In a society of increasingly fuzzy boundaries, are there any dating/marriage rules that just shouldn’t be broken? Or is it just more gray area to give us more gray hair?
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3 Responses to “Dating and Engagement: How Long is “Right” And When Should You Ignore Conventional Wisdom?”
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I think there is no right answer to this question–I know people who dated a week and have been married 30+ happy years and yes those who dated for a looooooong time and did not make passed the honeymoon–I guess it all boils down to the luck of the draw and a bit of willingness to work —-
Did you really just suggest that interracial marriage counts as “rule-breaking”? Really, just wow.
@Wow: Thank you for pointing that out- it was sloppy writing on my part. When I said that I was specifically thinking of past generations and how it was historically considered rule breaking. My intention was to support the idea that people of diverse experiences, attitudes and backgrounds should be able to marry with all the pride, happiness and joy in the world, regardless of what any segment of society might think about it. If I have inadvertently offended anyone with my writing, I apologize. I am completely taking the phrase out of the post. And while I’m on the subject, I would like to also mention that I support the right of all people to marry, regardless of sexual orientation.