The Psychology of Romantic Love

I definitely agree with the school of thought that marriage takes work- of course it does.  I think everyone can agree on that.  But what’s even more interesting to me, is the kind of continual soul searching required by marriage.  I just finished reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and in it, she talks about happiness in the way I think about marriage:
Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

One might argue that my attitude is just another predictable manifestation of the Protestant work ethic we hold so dear on the east coast.  One might argue I’ve taken too many feminist theory courses.  And of course I’ve only been ,married for 6 months, so right now I’m still pretty blissful, what do I know?  Then again, as a child of divorce I’ve always been pretty in-tune to the marriages around me (there are some pros- and enormous cons- to this level of “tuned in-ness” but it is just how I’m built).  So, for better or for worse, whether I’m being fatalistic or realistic, I think a fundamental amount of work is required to maintain a healthy marriage.

And that is precicely why I was thrilled when my bridesmaids gifted me the book The Psychology of Romantic Love.  This is a great book.  A.  Great.  Book.  I’m not a huge book-review-writer so I’ll keep this short, but suffice it to say that the book is absolutely chock full of insight into modern relationships and it floored me how I could look around me and see one application after another in my world.  Once you begin reading the book, you probably won’t be surprised to learn that the author is one of the leading authorities on self esteem issues.  My favorite insight is that we have to stop fighting the fact of our “aloneness” in order to be ready for a partner.  I also like the discussion of one’s partner as a sort of psychological “mirror” which reflects the person you actually are.  I think this is an absolute must-read if you are in a serious relationship or if you like pop psychology.  It is super-duper interesting stuff with super important practical applications.

I’m not saying I have it all figured out- or that Nathaniel Branden does either- but this is a great read!

Have you read any books that have really spoken to you, on the topics of love or marriage?

Phara and Jeff’s Sophisticated Outdoor Engagements

It’s not every couple who can pull off looking both ultra cool and incredibly in love at the same time.  And yet between the sunglasses, the shoes, and the obvious affection they have for each other, Phara and Jeff do so effortlessly.  Of course, that is probably because they are ultra cool and incredibly in love in real life too!  J. and I got to celebrate Phara and Jeff’s wedding with them recently, and we are so HAPPY for this wonderful couple!  These are their engagement photos, which were taken in Central Park.  I love how their photographer captured so much of their essence, and yet so simply (and yes, photo credit to come- as soon as Phara returns from her honeymoon!)

Congratulations Phara and Jeff!!

Rielly and Sean’s Rustic, Romatic Engagement Shoot

Today I’m super psyched to be able to feature the kind of photos that simply make me melt every time I look at them.  These photos were taken by Sanderson Images for my friends Rielly and Sean out in western NJ (near Bucks County, PA) and really, you don’t need to be told much more than that.  They speak for themselves!  Of course, it helps that it had rained that day, which made the greenery ultra vibrant, and the sky indulgently moody.  I think we now know why rain is considered good luck on one’s wedding day.  And what’s even more awesome, is that these two are tying the knot THIS WEEKEND and I get to be a bridesmaid!  Remember the Paper Porn from a few weeks ago?   Yep, no surprise, that’s their wedding!  I can’t wait to feature more!  Congrats to Rielly and Sean!

A Compendium of DIY Pinwheel Love

I was recently reading a post about pinwheels over at $2000 Wedding, and ever since I’m been stark raving mad about paper pinwheels.  There is something so utterly romantic and playful about them!  And I feel like they have so much hidden versatility, not to mention their absolute customize-ability and cost-effectiveness!  So far, I’ve come up with 10 potential ways to use them, many of which could save you considerable cash:  

  

- Have guests waive them in lieu of bubbles, rice or birdseed when sending you off! 

- Incorporate them into floral centerpieces. 

- Or, forget the flowers altogether and use a bunch of pinwheels AS the centerpiece! 

- Write guests’ names and tables on them, and use for escort cards. 

- Top cupcakes with mini-pinwheels for a playful cake table. 

- Leave them on the kids table for the young and young at heart. 

- Tuck them into the napkins at each place setting for a whimsical favor. 

- Give them to your flower girls to carry during the ceremony instead of a basket. 

- Put your pinwheels on extra-long sticks and plant them in the ground for a festive aisle runner. 

- If you really want to get creative, you could even make your invite with instructions for how to turn them into pinwheels. 

  

Anyways… I clearly have no life… if you want to learn how to make your very own adorable pinwheels, the blogosphere is filled with great tutorials!  I’ve compiled some of my favorites to share but if you know of more, I’d love to hear them!  What would you do with pinwheels at a wedding?   

via Paper Source

via BHG

via Intimate Weddings

via Style Me Pretty

via Once Wed

 

Beachy-Casual-Budget-Eco-Friendly Wedding Ideas?

My mom is getting married to her incredibly sweet and very-into-environmentalism fiance.  They initially wanted to throw a tiny beach wedding, but after realizing they couldn’t accomodate all of their friends, they decided to move the party to a golf club.  So I’m wondering if you have ideas for how to bring the casual beachy vibe they love to a country club scene, while still being both budget and eco-friendly.  Thoughts?

Oooh this one’s going to be fun!  It helps that I know the reader who posed this question, so I’ll take some liberty with my assumptions as I answer this question.  And as usual, all images link to their source.

First, I suggest using beach-pails for the flower girl and ring bearer to carry down the aisle.  The flower girl’s could be filled with flowers or shells, or flower petals for tossing- and all of this could be done very inexpensively using local craft store supplies.  And for the ring bearer, I say tuck crumpled fabric leftover from dress alterations inside the pail and call it a day.  Simple, cost-effective, and the kids can re-use the pails in the sand later!

for the flower girl

for the ring bearer

Next, I’m thinking repurposed centerpieces.  I’ve recently seen lots of brides picking up dozens milk glass vases at thrift stores, a trend I love.  And of course, you can DIY your own faux-milkglass out of old jars and bottles if you’d like.  Fill the glasses with a few informal buds, put 3-5 on a table, and voila, instant centerpiece!  Mix in some sea glass and sand, and you have a polished, not-too-matchy arrangement that has impact and casual softness.  And let’s say you have 10 guests per table and five vases- the vases could double as favors, 1 per couple.  So cute!

Milk glass vases

Sea glass

Another thought that instantly comes to mind is using bamboo or wooden flatware.  As I’ve said previously, I’m madly in love with this concept.

And hey look, these can be done in the right colors too!

Instead of doing a fancy cake, the couple should definitely consider a small cake for cutting as part of a dessert bar.  This isn’t a totally original idea, but since they live in Florida, there are a lot of great local ideas one could incorporate… like my favorites, Key Lime pie, honeycake, and orange cake (which is shockingly tasty, if you haven’t tried it before).  And let’s not forget cute sodas or ice cream as part of the spread!  Of course, these could also be used as table centerpieces if you have enough desserts!

yum yum yum

For escort cards, another adorable idea is to write the names and tables on found sea-shells or recycled paper, and then hold them up in a container of sand.  SO cute, and especially budget friendly and personal if you find the shells yourself!

the paper version

another variation on the theme

What other ideas do you have for this theme?  I just love the idea!

Spring Cleaning!

It’s April Fool’s Day!  But, although I toyed with writing a post about throwing a pirate wedding (or ninjas, or pirates versus ninjas) I realized there’s probably something better to say, and a bit more serious at that.  This is the time of year when I always make sure to do some spring cleaning.  I donate old clothing to goodwill, clean out my fridge, add some miracle grow to the plants, and throw out old receipts.  To name a few things!

And another thing I have needed to do is simplify my life a bit.  During wedding planning, I got so used to moving in hyperdrive-fast-forward that I have not had the chance to be “normal” in a really long time.  I literally never say no or stop.  This has been compounded by a great many demands on my time- we have been trying to sell two homes, and I also have been an active bridesmaid (or close friend) for a slew of weddings (with their associated showers and bachelorette parties), and three baby showers (babies!  yay!)  The good news is that I have high-quality problems: two homes, lots of parties, plenty to keep me busy, good friends to celebrate with.  Lots of DIY projects to do and almost no PWD (post-wedding depression).  Definitely don’t feel sorry for me.  The bad news is, I *might* be going crazy.  I am quite possibly addicted to my computer and I can’t remember how to sit still.  It makes me a little embarassed to even admit it but facts are facts.

So as I spring clean my home and my life, one of the things I am going to have to do is pare down the blog posting (a little).  I mean it, just a little.  But I simply can’t continue to work fulltime in a law firm while living my crazy life and posting meaningful daily content.  So maybe you’ll see a few less posts (maybe 3 a week?) but hopefully my content will be that much better, and you’ll enjoy reading it even more!  I don’t want to bore you with nonsense, I want to blog about the worthwhile and meaningful!  And I want to keep my own self sane and fresh so I can continue to enjoy blogging, weddings, and all the fun that go with them!

And so, wonderful readers, that’s my spring cleaning commitment to me… simplify and get sane!  Learn to sit still again!  But don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! 

Do you have any spring cleaning to do?

image source: the vintage moth

Horseshoes And Weddings? Yes, please!

For instance (click images for source):

Check out this incredible red glossy horseshoe heart by AlteredIron!

How can you not love this Horse Heads Horseshoe Trivet from brianbrazeal?

And of course, BringingHomeBrandi's rustic version

Can’t you just see it now?  Decorating an escort table, incorporated to hold table numbers, weighing down outdoor tablecloths, or hanging at the bride and groom’s sweetheart table– I feel like there are so many ways one can use horseshoes to add a touch of country chic to your wedding!  And let’s not forget the element of jewelery inspiration too!

What do you love today?!

jewelsbyn’s lucky horseshoe necklace

Inspiration in the Form of Ice Skates

Whenever I watch Project Runway and Tim Gunn warns a contestant not to let their outfit look like a “figure skating costume” I gasp in abject horror.  I love figure skating costumes (and ballerina costumes, and princess costumes)!  And since winter isn’t quite out of sight, and the Olympics have dominated my viewing over the past couple of weeks, I thought a figure skating inspiration board would be in order.  In a palette featuring lots of winter white, some sparkles and some purples- the color of power- to keep things from getting too soft!

image sources: tea cup; orchid invitation; San Patrick Gown; vintage ice skating beauty; Jim Hjelm bridesmaid dress; aisle decor; wedding cake;ice skates; ice sculpture; wild flowers; winter bride and groom; tutu flower girl.

Summer Citrus Inspiration!

Now that the excitement of the wedding and the holiday season are over, and the windchills of January have hit home, all I can think about is our upcoming Hawaiian honeymoon!  Fortunately for me, my stepsister S. is tying the knot in August and wants wedding colors in yellow and orange, so I can fantasize about warm weather and bright colors until it’s time for me to leave.  So for S., below is an inspiration board that uses citrus hues balanced with enough white for a peppy, flirty, preppy summer soiree!

JCrew Sascha gown, pom car decorations, Dandelion Dream invitation, clementine place card, Flower girl dress by Priscilla, citrus centerpiece, bouquet, rose petal aisle, lemony wedding cake,Paloma’s Nest ring bowl, Abington Arts Center, pom decorations, JCrew wedding suiting, Lyla printed peeps, Longing For Yellow dress.

Planning Timeline Template

One thing I hear from vendors and fellow wedding enthusiasts, again and again, is that I’m an organized bride.  I suppose its true, I do tend to get a bit neurotic with my lists and spreadsheets.  I’m a lawyer, so staying organized is part of what helps me do my job- it has always come easy for me.  Given that we planned our wedding with an eight-month timeline, and most people I know usually have 18 months to two years, I feel extra good about how J. and I planned it all.  And one of the best tools I had in the process was my timeline.

I absolutely abhorred the timelines I found on various wedding websites, like the Knot (sorry Knot, I love you for other things!)  They have good tools, especially if you don’t want to make your own lists.  But frankly, using their timeline made me feel insecure about our wedding.  Sometimes those websites suggest that you do certain things on a different schedule than might be appropriate for you.  And of course, they always suggest things like “have an engagement party” or “start getting your facials 6 months out,” neither of which applied to us.  Why should I feel guilty or embarrassed if I decide not to start my facials, um, ever?  Or if I choose my bridesmaids dresses before the date they claim I should?  Nope, that wasn’t going to work for me.

So I found a perfect compromise.  I looked at the tasks from various sites and used those lists to make my own timeline.  I even organized my tasks by month.  This helped me stay focused, and avoid feeling overwhelmed, because I knew everything would get done at the right time.  It looked like a lot at first, but once I sorted tasks by month, I felt much better.  I allowed the timeline to be dynamic, so it could evolve with the planning.  And it always made me feel extra-good when I finished a task early!

Because this timeline has served me so well and been shared already with friend-brides, I thought I would post it here for all to use.  Feel free to take what you want and leave what you don’t- after all, you should be able to do that for any element of your wedding!  Oh, and, I saved this as a google document so that I could access it from anywhere–I recommend that too.