My New Pet Peeve

I just need a moment to rant, and I’m hoping I’m not alone in this… I just went to Bank of America to change my name on our joint checking account, and they would not do it without my original marriage certificate.  Even though I have electronic copies of everything- and I brought my old, cancelled drivers license and my new one, along with my social security card showing my new name. 

The thing that really irks me about this, is that my marriage certificate is not the legal document that changed my name.  I know in some states the marrige certificate does change the woman’s name if she wants it, but in NJ all it shows is that I am married, and who I married.  The legal document that actually changed my name was the social security card… and now the drivers license.  And why does BoA need to know the underlying reason for my name change anyway?  I guarantee if a man went in and said he changed his name, they would not ask for his marriage certificate.

According to BoA, it is an anti-fraud and anti-money laundering measure, and also for tax reporting, etc.  I don’t buy it for a second.  J. and I could close our account today and then walk in tomorrow and open a new one with just our drivers licenses.  It makes me so angry that I want to just close all of my accounts with BoA- even though it would be simpler and easier just to bring in the marriage certificate.   

And the other thing that really gets to me about this, is that everyone else wants to see the marriage certificate too.  Nobody ever asks for my license or social security card.  Case in point: Signature Property Group, who manages my condo complex.  They wanted the marriage certificate as evidence of the name change; when I offered to send the other, actual name change documentation, they said they didn’t need it. 

I feel that it is incredibly paternalistic that every major institution I have worked with on this issue has asked for a document that shows who my husband is- as opposed to a document showing who I am- as evidence of my name change.  As a woman who has managed my life without a man on my paperwork for 30+ years now, I am 100% offended. 

 Has anyone else found this element of starting a new life frustrating?  How did you salvage your pride without ruining your own life?  All I want to do is sue people

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I think I’m pretty funny…

But I think this is a lot funnier than me!  Admittedly, it might be a stretch to figure out a way to incorporate such a thing into your wedding, but it definitely fits how I feel today, given that I’m trying like crazy to avoid thinking about returning to work Monday!

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I promise more recaps next week, but in the mean time, head on over to Despair.com and have yourself a good giggle… and yes, I do keep a copy of this exact image on my desk.  I recommend you do the same.

Aloha!

Aloha everyone!

First, a public service announcement.  Today our wedding is featured on Wedding Chicks, so go check it out!  Special thanks to Jessica Morrisy for capturing the day with such flair!  Woo!

Now more importantly, at this moment I’m drinking my morning kona coffee and eating some locally grown fruit (which J. made into a salad this morning!) while listening to the sounds of the faux waterfall of the resort out our window right now.  I am in pure heaven!  I just wanted to say hello to you all and recommend that you plan a trip just like this sometime in your future… worth it worth it worth it!  Right now we are in Kapa’a, Kaua’i at the Waipuli Resort- recommended as a money saving option by our travel agent because it is technically a condo and not a hotel.  But for us, that meant an apartment sized room with housekeeping, a full kitchen which we’ve used every morning and some evenings, a great location and a lovely pool.  And the room itself is local hardwoods, granite countertops, so much nicer than anything the Hyatt can offer.  So travel tip: go the condo route!  Next up, we move on to Maui and another condo (which my research suggests will be slightly outdated inside but with killer views of Molokai and whales)!

Highlights of this week have included an incredible helicopter tour, hiking to “secret” waterfalls where J. jumped off, getting a couples massage at the St. Regis, taking surfing lessons and both actually getting up (!), ziplining through the valleys of a cattle ranch, visiting the “grand canyon of the pacific” from the ground, and getting up close and personal with a Hawaiian monk seal.  So I’m not going to spend much more time blogging, and instead I’m going to go soak up some sun!  I leave you instead with some photos of the best things we’ve done this week!

xoxo,

Sarah

J. jumps off a 25 foot waterfall (I was too afraid so I just took pics instead!)

Who doesn't love watching a sunbathing seal!

Here we are on day 1 post-massage in Princeville, enjoying the views of Bali Hai

Zipping on "king kong" which was over 2000 feet long!

View of the Na Pali coast from our helicopter

Look closely and you'll see THREE whales- a mama and her babies? I like to think so.

Post-surfing lesson!

On Being a Big Girl

We are selling the townhouse.  Or at least, trying to sell it.  Yeah, about that…

One of the great things about getting married is that you get to go from “me” to “we.”  One of the most challenging things about getting married is that you have to go from “me” to “we.”  And if I had to make an educated guess, I would bet that for every year of life you have lived before you get married, this process is exponentially more challenging.  Take me for example.  I got married at 30.  So by the time I got married, I had put myself through school, I had established a “career” if that’s what you want to call it.  And perhaps most importantly for me, I had purchased my own home.

big girl fireplace

By way of background, I should say that growing up, I saw my parents go through serious financial difficulties after they got divorced, and the experience was pretty yuck for all involved.  It’s really un-fun to go to school with a bunch of bourgeois upper middle class wannabes with their Clinique compacts and their Coach purses when you only get one pair of sneakers (from Payless)- it wasn’t like we were destitute, but there were a few very rough years while my parents got back on their feet (which happened to coincide with my middle school years- my worst ever of my whole life, much to J.’s amusement).   Looking back, I honestly wouldn’t change any of it though because I learned some lessons which absolutely speak to the person I am and what I strive to become:

* No matter how hard my life gets now, I know just how much I can survive so long as I have my family.  That knowledge brings me great comfort.

* I also learned that hard work and a vision can take you far.  It may not get you exactly where you want to go (i.e., becoming a lawyer wasn’t exactly as awesome as I expected), but it will get you a lot further than you’d be without that plan (i.e., law school enabled me to build a new life for myself that I can be proud of, enabled me to support myself, to travel, to meet incredible people, etc.).

* People always say that money can’t buy happiness, and of course that is true.  But when you don’t have any money, it sure can feel like money is the solution.  It’s not.  Having spent more and more time with Manhattan’s upper crust, I am certain of this.  Nonetheless, financial independence is empowering.  Finding that place of “enough” is the hard part- the part I’m working on now.

* And perhaps most importantly, I learned that you always need to be able to stand on your own two feet.  You need to know you can take care of yourself no matter what happens, to know you do not need to be afraid, to know you’ll be ok no matter what.  Otherwise you absolutely cannot make real, meaningful decisions with any confidence.

big girl kitchen renovation (my proudest accomplishment to date, you should have seen the "before"!)

Now that you know these things about me, you may better understand why buying my own home was an important thing for me to accomplish on my “life list” before getting married.  Even though J. owned a darling two bedroom house when we met, something inside me told me I needed to buy my own place before we could do anything together.  My condo was a sort of culmination of milestones for me, and a chance for me to prove- to myself- my own independent woman status.  This is why my townhouse is affectionately known as my “big girl house.”  Of course, about three months after I bought it, J. and I decided to move in together and we found a tenant to live in his house.  And we’ve lived happily ever after so far!

big girl bedroom complete with my first big girl bed

But sadly, my big girl house is no longer right for my life.  In fact, it’s no longer my life, it’s now our life.  For a variety of reasons including home values and monthly cost of owning, we have decided it is in our best interest to sell the big girl house.  I am excited about this change and I embrace it fully.  At the same time, I am struggling to let go of my fierce need to be so independent.  And I am surprised by the level of affection I feel toward my home.  Then again, it makes sense.  I have redone the entire place from top to bottom (on a budget no less!) and turned it into what I consider to be perfection.  From my grandmother’s dining set to the photos on the staircase, this place is utterly me.  Which brings me back to point #1- marriage is about we.

my big girl corner on one of the two verandas

So last night sitting there in my condo living room typing this post, looking at the fireplace mantle that I personally installed by myself  like a big girl (with just a teenie bit of help from J.), I was thinking about the future and focusing on what comes next.  Because every time you say goodbye to a good memory it means you get to say hello to a new one.  I know, that sounds totally hackneyed and I apologize for it… but in all seriousness, I know in my heart that moving on is the right thing to do.  Just like buying this condo was.   Even though I might lose money selling it.  Even though I love my granite counter tops.  Because the decision to sell it has been made by us, with an eye toward a future that we are going to build together, and with the deep confidence that even if we make a mistake, it will somehow make us stronger and better.

Besides, I still have my “independent woman” Louis Vuitton bag (one of the last vestiges of my former life as a single gal, purchased to cheer myself up after a bad breakup and the best thing to have come from that relationship).  As long as that sucker has handles, you will see me carrying it!  Woot woot!

and a really big, big girl sofa!

Spam Stinks (sorry Anna but it does)

UPDATE:  It has come to my attention that legit commenters are not able to comment, so I’ve revised the policy- now all comments have to be pre-approved.  So going forward, if you don’t see your comment immediately, know I’ll publish it soon!  Also, if you have any tips/tricks for other ways to manage blog/spam issues, please let me know!

Hi guys, just a quick heads up to let you know that I unfortunately have to institute a new commenting policy on this blog due to all the spam comments.  I know you all really wanted to see Britany Spears nude, buy lots of viagra, gamble on the internet and attend online colleges (which I support, but not via spam), but you won’t be able to do it through me.  

So going forward, you’ll have to be a logged-in user to comment.  I’ve also blacklisted certain words (like certain drug names and sexual terms) which I hope will help.  Hopefully this isn’t too much of a pain, but with any luck it will also reduce all the incoming garbage that is cluttering up my inbox

xoxo,

Sarah

Happy New Year!

Wow, how did that happen?  A whole new year is here!  May it be your best yet!

And a very happy birthday to friend and bridesmaid C. as she celebrates an extra-special birthday today!

xoxo,

Sarah

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Merry Christmas!

Wow, time really does fly!  I can’t believe it is Christmas- our first Christmas together!  This is our first official family Christmas card, made using an engagement photo taken by the lovely Jessica Morrisy, which was then designed into this amazing card by Erin of Lucky Me!  (And PS, sorry to all involved for the necessary but unattractive redaction!)  J. and I are lucky indeed.  To have found each other, to have such an abundance of good in our lives, and to have so many wonderful people to celebrate it all with. 

I wish you the best of the season and all the joy that goes with it!  Merry Christmas! See you again Monday!

I’m so excited!

And I just can’t hide it! 

My last day of work is going too slowly, and I’m too excited to be very productive.   So instead of trying very hard, I’m just going to enjoy the feeling.   And then go tanning.  And blog about it.

Mmmmkay bye!

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The Warehouse in Our Guestroom

Dear Guest Room,

Thank you for putting up with the nonsense of the past 9 months.  You’ve been such a trooper. You used to be so lovely- so thoughtfully eclectic, an homage to my love of antiques and J’s love of his man space.  And yet, we’ve used and abused you.  You’ve had to sit for countless hours while I made my craft messes on your bed.  You’ve suffered through hours of phone calls and conversations that could have been had elsewhere.   Instead of guests, you have housed towers of boxes, boxes, and more boxes.  You’ve had to look at bags of delicious candy and not been able to eat any.  You’ve had to look at wedding gifts that could have been put away, but hadn’t yet been addressed.  That must have been annoying for you.  I’m sorry.

But this weekend, guestroom, I promise things will change.  We’ll take all those boxes somewhere else, and when we get back from the wedding, we really will put all those presents away.  Guest Room, I swear, you will once again be a Guest Room!  I know that typical abusive relationships usually involve a fair amount of flowers and apologies, but I am different than those brides, I swear!  I will restore you to your formal glory, and then hopefully, I will sell you to a high paying buyer!

xoxo,

Sarah

Oh Guest Room...

... you are the best room a girl could have!

Featured! The Best of the Best in Money and Personal Finance

We’re pretty psyched over here today, because The One! has been featured over at Len Penzo Dot Com (the offbeat personal finance blog for responsible people) for The Best of the Best in Money and Personal Finance as an editor’s pick.  That is just a fancy way of saying that our recent post, How to: Save over $10,000 on Your Honeymoon, was one of only 11 articles selected from 105 qualifying entries (not counting all the junk and spam), for the blog carnival.  Cool huh?  An extra-special thanks to Len for including me!

And by the way, you should head over and check out some of the other editor’s picks.  There is some excellent financial info about investing, getting out of debt, even some women-specific information, all of which could be particularly handy to newly-weds, long-time-weds, and never-weds alike!  If you’re like me and you love Suze Orman, you’ll love reading the articles at The Best of the Best in Money and Personal Finance!

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